"Why do you need *all* the attention?"
and other f*cked-up things people said to me this week
1. “You might want to think about coming in on Mondays.”
Yes it’s true. I’m now a 4-days-a-week in-office girlie. Boo hoo. Nobody’s life has ever been harder than mine. I mean it.
2. “Okay, now what are you sorry for?”
my girlfriend asked after sweetly apologizing (for the fourth time) for her role in an argument. It took me an embarrassingly long time (37 seconds) to remember that I had also done things wrong. “I’m sorry I told you to go f*ck yourself,” I replied.
3. “Molly, see how much your credit score has decreased.”
Why does CreditKarma care so much about my business?? Worry about yourself.
4. “No, babe. It started at noon.”
Imagine it’s a quarter to 2pm and you’re just about to leave for a thoughtfully planned, four-course, sit-down baby shower brunch and you get a phone call asking where the hell you were.
5. “We finally got photos from the wedding back!”
Oooh lucky me; I get to look at pictures of myself dancing to “Tubthumping” on the dance floor and sweating out 19 glasses of rosé. Talk about a Chumbawamba.
6. “Why do you need all the attention?”
I recently confessed to Best Friend Mackenzie that I always get a little jealous at other people’s birthday parties.
“Molly, you already get attention just from being funny and stuff. Why do you need all of it?”
Definitely something to think about.